Where to start…

I’m sharing this little piece of my wellness journey because I’m just human like everybody else. It’s true! 😉  I have weaknesses and flaws and bad habits and a lifetime of patterns and behaviors that sometimes get in the way of what I want. I have compulsions and addictions and demons. We all do (some of us more than others). I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I’ve come a long way from the impulsive, instant-gratification-driven girl that I was. Generally, I’m proud of the progress I’ve made, but occasionally, I slip up and I need to own it. That’s happened on a few fronts lately, but I’m only going to talk about one here and to be honest, it’s the least of the issues: nutrition.

Last week, I went out to breakfast with a student/friend after class. We talked about everything from douchebags Ted Cruz and Lindsay Graham, to the challenges of kids in the pandemic, to the inescapable physical reality of aging. I lamented over turning 50 and what it has done to my metabolism. I put on about 8 lbs during the first few months of quarantine and haven’t been able to take them off. Worse, right before covid took over the world, my dad was ill for months and ultimately passed. During that time, I had put on 3-4 lbs. No big deal, right? Well, add it to the 8 lbs. and it’s no longer nothing. A few (3-4) pounds came off over the last few months, but that still leaves 8 that “won’t budge.”

Here’s the thing: this blog post is not about the extra weight. Those pounds don’t matter. I’m not overweight and I know that. This was about the excuse, the abdication of responsibility. The “I don’t know why they just won’t come right off.” What a load a BS. I can’t believe I got those words out with a straight face. Sitting there, having just eaten a mountain of a 3 egg “veggie” omelette (I don’t remember a ton of veggies, but I do remember a TON of cheese), home fries and a nice, big bloody Mary. On a Thursday. For no reason at all. And that’s to say nothing of the constant snacking in the evenings, a handful of this, or that, nothing big, nothing particularly unhealthy, just constant. Reality check: None of that has anything to do with my age. Those behaviors are choices. I have control over those choices.

I went home that day and those words swirled around in my head. “I don’t know why” and  “they just wont.” Bullshit and more bullshit. Passive. Victim mindset. So, I reminded myself… these are all my choices to make. No one can do it for me.  I reminded myself of my whys. I reminded myself of how much better my practice feels when I’m lighter (jump throughs and jump backs!!); how much better running feels when I’m lighter; superficially, how much more confident I feel when I’m lighter. I wrote them down. I made them real. So here we are: back to basics, whole foods, intermittent fasting. Eight days later, 4 lbs melted off and within 4 lbs of weight I was before my father got sick.

I’m sharing this with all of you to remind you of two things 1) You’re not alone in your struggles, whatever they are, I promise; and 2) You have choices. You have the power to make new choices if the current ones are no longer serving you.